Summer Vacation

I realize a lot of people I know are on summer vacations to some exotic destinations(perks of being a teacher). I don't know how they afford it. I live modestly and it still costs me two twelve packs just for gas to the grocery store.
I know they probably had a great time. I just don't want to hear about it. Not a word. I have a plastic pool in the backyard and it's my personal Riviera. Instead of visiting China, I get to order Lo Mein or peruse the local dollar store. How come its cheaper to buy Chinese stuff thats shipped 20,000 miles. Especially with the cost of gas.
Of course, nothing beats dollar store purchases for quality. You can count on most of it breaking before you get to your front door. And what about that food they sell? How old is that stuff? I think the Chinese are trying to kill us, except we owe them 2 trillion dollars and pretty soon they're going to demand payback. I think we should pay them in plastic drink umbrellas, or pens that don't work, or toxic crayons. This could balance our deficit.
So...when school starts in September and I'm forced to listen to stunning vacation stories, know for a fact that I'm going to stop you dead in your tracks.
And then I'll give you a plastic dollar store pen....to write it all down.